well yes folks its happened. i've had my first gig as the chromatic harmonica player in a gypsy jazz band. esinti actually, outside the dolphin in llanrhidian, on the gower peninsula, in the rain. on 15th july 2007.
it didn't feel like a milestone at the time. but i think its starting to now. i'm surprised at how much effort and energy i have invested in this project without realising it. and consequently how much release i am experiencing now that i've accomplished part of what i set out to do.
i have definitely achieved something. there's no doubt about that. what it is tho is not quite so clear. i've been working on the chromatic for two and a half years. well actually since the beginning of 2004 if truth be told, but i have discounted the first year as that was taken up sporadically familiarising myself with the tongue blocking technique.
it is true that i managed to contribute throughout the set without the rest of the band glaring at me for screwing something up but i'm certainly nowhere near to being the player i feel i ought to be. is anyone? ever? and does that mean you shouldn't keep trying?
its an interesting issue but there is always the temptation to accept oneself in terms of other people's responses. don't. you can't trust 'em. you can't trust yourself i have found. what was last night's master work is this morning's garbage. what a good job i didn't triumphantly e-mail the recording to my long suffering mates. lucky for them. lucky for me.
so there is still a long long way to go. many obstacles to be overcome.
the game plan is to work until the nhl festival at the end of october and see where i am up to then. the band have invited me to play at the next pontardawe festival. which is in a month. there will be time for rehearsal and the event itself should be loadsa fun.
having said that there isn't any money involved and i could do with some paying gigs really. to keep the wolf from the door. i am sure they are out there (wolves and paying gigs of course) if one can achieve a suitably proficient standard.
but at the mo i am exhausted. motivation at an all time low. maybe i've got one of those sleep deficit wassnames that are so fashionable just now. perhaps what i need to do is sit back and husband the resources. regenerate the energy and have another go in a bit.
watch this space ........... if you can stay awake.
not sure i will.